Waiting for Gouda

Hey, it’s Halloween! And who doesn’t like to dress up for Halloween?

Well, I don’t, for one. But I’m old and grumpy and shaped funny.

A lot of people do like it, though, and good for them. But ladies, just a quick word about the costumes. If you want to dress up like a slutty nurse, or a slutty airline attendant, or a slutty witch, or a slutty vampire… that’s just great. I am all for it, believe me.

But just so you know, you’re not fooling anyone with that stethoscope or those plastic teeth, or some other appropriate token prop.

Don’t pretend people on the train are looking at the hospital name tag and admiring your clever nurse’s outfit! They’re looking at the trampy fishnet stockings, and admiring… whatever it is they are inclined to admire. Or not, depending on their preferences.

You are dressed up like a slut. That’s your costume. Okay, maybe, at best, you are dressed up like a slut who is dressed up like a nurse.

And again, just to be clear, I am totally on board with that. If you want to use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a cheap stripper at the beginning of her routine, except out in the street where everyone can ogle you without having to pay a cover charge, well, more power to you.

Just don’t pretend it’s a Halloween costume.