Waiting for Gouda

I don’t know about where you live, but here in the Heartland there are certain establishments which, should you call them and request it, will create one or more pizzas, usually to your exact specifications, and then ever so conveniently transport it to your house, generally via automobile, often for a nominal fee of your choosing. They “deliver” it, if you will.

One particular franchise, whose conceit is that their buildings have roofs which, in the popular tradition, apparently resemble those of “Huts”, has unleashed a brand new advertising campaign in which they unveil a new kind of pizza which has “double” of… something. Dough, or maybe ingredients, I guess. I don’t know… I wasn’t really able to remember what the exact variation on the product is because I was outrageously amused, probably unreasonably so, by their new slogan. Or perhaps amusedly outraged. It’s hard to say.

Should you not be familiar with this particular bit of genius, their slogan is…

“Double Means More”

I guess one might appreciate the simplistic obviousness or this. And/or the obvious simplicity.

Double means more. Well. No poop.

From what I’ve heard, rejected slogans include:
- This Pizza Includes Extra Stuff
- If You Add More Ingredients, It Will Be Bigger
- We Think Pizza Has Traditionally Been Too Healthy
- Hope You’ve Only Been Opening Your Mouth To Half Its Capacity, You Giant Cow, You
- Triple Means Really More, Not That It Applies To Your Order
- Your Driver Will Appreciate A Double Tip. That Means More. Seriously, Cough It Up
- Your Fat Children Expect Nothing Less on Friday Night

Double means more. What’s next?