Waiting for Gouda

I don’t know about where you live, but here in the Heartland there are certain establishments which, should you call them and request it, will create one or more pizzas, usually to your exact specifications, and then ever so conveniently transport it to your house, generally via automobile, often for a nominal fee of [...]

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I don’t know much about relationships, but I do remember this one time…
Years ago, I was dating this girl, and we were known to have our ups and downs. And ups. And then some more downs. We were trudging through a down period one evening, when she looked at me and said, [...]

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My Friends in Arms,
The war rages on. I wish that I could tell you that we are finally winning the war against the invading feline horde. Sadly, this is not yet the case. They continue to run rampant across our lands, having their way with our people and destroying much of what [...]

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I don’t know about where you live, but here in Illinois, women apparently require certain… sanitary products on a semi-regular basis. The television ads for these products have often featured women walking on the beach, or riding horses, or wearing white pants.
But now there is a commercial for what is, I believe, colloquially referred [...]

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Is it just me, or is that hairy, cartoonish ancient guy in the Beowulf trailer who yells “I AM BEOWULF!” an awful lot like the hairy, cartoonish ancient guy in that other movie who yells “THIS IS SPARTA!”?

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I don’t know about where you live, but here in Chicago the battle for our home entertainment dollar is raging. The biggest combatants are some satellite TV company and some digital cable company. Comcast, the cable company, has a latest round of commercials in which some supposedly enlightened dope who has signed away [...]

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Oh, by the way, I just wanted to mention that I am not, in fact, Italian. I can understand why someone who didn’t know me might get that impression from that lovely picture up there on the homepage. That photo, and all the various photos you might see on this site were taken [...]

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Aliases:
Franny
Frannypants
The Hindu
Franny, seen here in an undated photo, is the suspected mastermind behind some of the Feline horde’s more daring and dastardly tactics.
She is generally believed to be the quiet member of the unholy triumvirate that commands the invaders. She slinks about behind the scenes and directs activity with a calm presence that belies [...]

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I don’t know about where you live, but here in the great Midwest, there is apparently a significant problem with something called “meth”. I know this because there is a recent series of television commercials that have been showing right there on my TV. Actually, I guess these would be public service announcements, [...]

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My comrades,
It is hard to believe that it has really been so many days since the Feline invasion. As I’m sure you know, the siege continues unabated, as does their relentless psychological warfare. I hope that you and your loved ones remain strong in the face of their cruel tactics, and that you are safe. [...]

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