Waiting for Gouda

Okay, I realize that cell phones are very useful items to have in case of emergency, or when you are traveling, especially for business. I have no problem with this. I am very glad that many of the company’s employees have cell phones, for it does tend to make things much easier. This sort of use is not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to every single cell-phone conversation I have ever overheard while out and about in the city. Whether it be on the train or the bus, or walking down the sidewalk, or at the neighborhood bar, every call goes pretty much the same way. First, of course, is the ringing. I hope these people are proud that their phone plays the theme to Bonanza whenever they get a call. Or Beethoven. Or whatever the hell else is available to them. Honest. I hope that their fancy is just freakin’ tickled whenever those cutesy little tones bleep and bloop their way through the air. Because nothing is more precious than a personalized cell phone ring. Oh, and by the way, why is it that I and everyone else in the whole train car realizes that it’s YOUR purse that’s singing “My Favorite Things” long before you do? Pull your head out of your ass and answer the phone.

Because I know what you’re going to say. Right after you say “hello”. You’re going to say. “I’m on the train.” Because this is apparently the first law of cell phone use. If you are on a cell phone, you absolutely must, within the first eight seconds of the conversation, tell the caller exactly where you are. Likewise, if you are calling someone on the cell phone, you are obligated to ask them where they are immediately. Every single time. “I’m on the bus.” “I just got off the Brown Line.” “I’m about thirty-six paces due south of the intersection of Michigan Ave. and Ohio Street.”

I have a question.

WHO CARES? Seriously. Who really gives any of the several body parts of the proverbial rat where you are? Is that why the person called? Is this why you have a cell phone? So that you can tell people exactly where you are at any given point in your day? Do you people still somehow think that it’s cool that you’re on the phone and walking around at the same time?

Because it’s not.